40

How To Traumatize Your Children: Become A Star, Give Them Funny Names and Hope For The Best

Aug 3 • Parenting • 2025 Views • No Comments on How To Traumatize Your Children: Become A Star, Give Them Funny Names and Hope For The Best

In some celebrities’ families, childhood trauma seems to pass from the parent to the kid when it comes to stars that proven being very original in choosing a name for their progeny.

Understandable, when your name is Forest and you have to grow up being called like that (not to mention that at least once somebody yelled “Run Forest!” in an ironical manner after the movie release in 1994) you might end up baptizing your children with equally weird and … poetic names. This is the case of Mr. Forest Whitacker, a great actor by all means, who picked the following names for his children: Ocean, Sonnet and True.

Makes sense somehow, doesn’t it? If you’re a celebrity and you want your children to be famous too, call them True and Sonnet. This can never fail! More importantly, if they don’t have any kind of talent or skill, at least they will bare funny names which will definitely make them superstars, especially in high school, so it’s like a plan B of some sort. Has some kind of talent? The name will only add to the charm. Doesn’t have any spark of genius? It’s alright, at least they’ll go through life being called Nahla Ariela Aubry (Halle Berry’s daughter), Fifi Trixibelle / Peaches Honeyblossom/ Little Pixie (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates’s daughters), or Sunday Rose (Nicole Kidman’s daughter).

Following the trail of funny named celebrities who prepare their children for a life of mockery (or obscene fame and fortune, who knows?), not much time ago, a TV celebrity this time, which goes by the name of Busy Phillips and who probably struggled all her life to rise to the expectation her name imposed on her, announced she invented a new original name for her second daughter. Depending on your charter cable deal, you can watch Busy in shows such as Dawson’s Creek and Cougar Town which added to her fame as an actress, as a bonus to the fact that her parents named her Busy. She admits her children will need therapy, but not necessarily because of their names: Birdie (which is cute but…) and mommy’s angel Cricket Pearl. Blink.

You probably know already that famous stars in the movie, music or any other industry with a “celebrity” potential linked to it have this tendency of naming their children in the most impossible of ways, following the same logic: the weirdest the name, the greater celebrity potential. However, these kids might turn into pet patients of high-end psychiatric private practices. ABC News dared to list some superstar couples children’s names some time ago and the results were spectacular, to say the list.

Let’s take just a few steps in this complicated world and who knows, we might get some good ideas when it comes to name our own children…

# David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were just lazy when they named their son Kyd. Seriously, Phillip was a too long word to call after the poor guy?

# His father is Nicholas Cage and this boy goes by the name of Kal-El, cause daddy loves Superman so much, kids in school probably ask the young Cage to fly or move the building.

Keira Rose is a freelance content writer. She shares with her readers How To Traumatize Your Children and tips to the kid when it comes to celebrities that confirmed being very unique in selecting a name for their child.

Related Posts

« »